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Looking for a blog rich with information on codependency, trauma, and self-esteem? Search this archive of more than 150 original posts.
Why we compare ourselves to others
It’s human nature to compare. We do it all the time. We’re constantly sizing up situations, doing our best mental math so we come out ahead. This can be an excellent practice… for price comparison when shopping for toilet paper, maybe. Or for getting a much-needed reality check about our own lives. But sometimes? Sometimes we just need to keep our eyes on our own paper. Why we compare Comparison can be adaptive. If we’re falling behind the pack, we should probably know about it. No one wants to be the straggler, the cheetah’s lunch. Comparison can offer us an opportunity to make healthy changes. And knowing where we stand relative to others may yield up...
Read MoreGone fishin’ (not really)
Nope. Nope. Not really fishing. But I am taking a little trip this week, in order to practice some good self-care. Yum. Anyways. Setting down my weekly blog post is one important step in that process. So. Here’s to breaks! Feel free to help yourself to one, too, if you like. I’m sure there’s something on your to do list today that can wait. Or a spare half hour that you can find and gobble up in a manner of your own choosing. I look forward to “seeing” you next week, when I’ll be writing about comparison and competition! ———————————- Last year: An experiment in...
Read MoreThe trickiest form of procrastination
I’m stuck again. Using a bad habit I shouldn’t. Scrubbing toilets instead of writing blog posts… Paying bills instead of returning that phone call… It’s particularly hard to change because from the outside it looks fine. I even get stuff done that needs to get done. So what’s the problem? Productive procrastination We’ve all done it. Skipped doing one task we really want to avoid for another, lesser evil. We reassure ourselves about our avoidance. We say it isn’t really that problematic because look at everything we got done! The whole tactic comes with a built-in excuse for why it’s okay. And that’s dangerous. Admittedly, as far as “bad habits”...
Read MoreThe scandal of my January pumpkins
I have pumpkins on my porch in January. It’s probably pissing off my neighbors. They just sit there, like two derelict, sunny sentinels. Defiant little things outside of their season. But I have to do something about them. I can’t rely on them to rot away to nothing in the spring. They’re sheltered under the awning of the front porch. They could just sit there, fossilized and very, very orange for a long time. Until next fall, even! (That gives a whole new meaning to the notion of recycling something, doesn’t it?) The pumpkin problem I’m stuck. I feel kind of bad about the notion of getting rid of them. They’re survived for so long! It seems heartless...
Read MoreAre you struggling with SAD?
Winter blahs. Winter blues. Seasonal depression. People talk about going into a kind of hibernation, a slowing down-ness that happens after the rush of the holiday season. And moods can dampen and darken during the cold months of winter. But for some people, winter is a season marked by full blown symptoms of depression that happen every year like clockwork—low mood, lack of interest in previously beloved activities, changes in appetite and weight gain, and disruption in sleeping patterns. In more severe cases, this depression can bring on feelings of hopelessness and even thoughts of suicide. Did you know that there’s actually a name for this kind of...
Read More10 how-tos for healthy boundaries
The beauty of boundaries Setting boundaries is like flossing—that good habit you should do more of, and better, but you don’t. But while it doesn’t sound like a very sexy topic, it’s actually very, very important. And if you do it well, setting boundaries will help you lead the life you want. So if you’re ready for some tips on how to set better boundaries in your life and relationships, listen up! This will help you get started. Preparation: 1.) Tune in Get to know yourself. If you’re a people-pleaser, chances are good you’re pretty estranged from yourself. By that, I mean you’re probably cut off from what you think and feel. You may not have a...
Read MoreWhy you don’t love yourself
Last week, I talked a lot about why it’s important to be your own best friend. But, some of us are better at befriending ourselves than others. Today, we dive into some examples of kinds of people who struggle with self-compassion and kindness. If you recognize yourself in this list, don’t despair!! It is possible to befriend yourself—you may have to learn some new skills and work harder at it than others do, at first. Your own worst enemy People with low self-esteem, by definition, struggle to have a positive relationship with themselves. They just don’t think they’re worth very much. They are almost always self-critical, finding fault with everything they...
Read MoreThe best friend you’ll ever have
Spoiler alert: it’s you. That’s it. I guess you can stop reading now, ha ha. But really! People talk about practicing compassion and mindfulness and kindness. But these lessons are incomplete if they are only directed outward! You are the best friend that you will ever have. Or I should say, “You could be the best friend that you will ever have.” Friendship optional You don’t have to be your own best friend, of course. You can be critical and cruel toward yourself, harsh and unforgiving of your mistakes, too afraid of failure to try anything new. You can be negligent of your own needs, believing yourself to be unworthy of kindness, and prioritizing everyone...
Read More3 tips to having a good year
Around this time, we make a sport of sizing up our years. Whether it was a good one. A bad one. What milestones did we accomplish? Which ones did we survive? Did any of those resolutions stick after all? So we say we had a good year. Or a not so good one. But a section of our lives is rarely so neatly summarized. The magic of a new year People get excited this time of year. It’s the signal of a new season. A fresh start. The winter solstice, around the 21st of December, signals the longest night of the year and the slow, incremental return of long summer days. And New Year’s day stands like a crease, a fold, a neat partition. A blank page that you can write...
Read MoreThe gift of the blunder
Yes, you read that correctly. Blunder. Blunder. Blunder, not blender. Though I’m sure many blenders will be handed out this holiday season. Today we’re talking about a different sort of gift. The gift of the blunder. The gift of the what-now? The gift of the blunder is a special kind of gift. It is the gift of connection. It comes from embracing our imperfections and mistakes, and sharing these thoughtfully with others. In order to really connect with people, we need to be willing to be vulnerable. We need to be able to say, “Yes, I really get what you mean,” –and mean it. We need to be willing to talk about the monsters under the bed. We need to...
Read MoreThe people pleaser holiday survival guide
When you think of all the gifts and food and cards and visits and parties crowding your to-do list in December… or, on the flip side, when you think of the stress of watching everyone go about their very interesting and holiday-ed magical lives on Facebook while you sit at home in sweatpants and feel less-than… …well, you can see how easy it is to feel lonely and/or overwhelmed this time of year. Add in a big dose of people-pleasing into the mix, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster! Let’s avoid the disaster this year. Okay? Let’s do it differently this time. Introducing your very own people pleaser holiday survival guide! Just remember: ...
Read MoreThe happiness right under your nose
You know that thing? That thing you used to do. The thing that was so helpful. It made you happier. Saner. More rested. More joyful. It brought you a sense of peace. You know. That thing you used to do. The happiness that’s right under your nose. What was it? Maybe it was the gift of good night’s sleep—a bedtime you held sacred. A creative project that you always worked on, a bit at a time. A regular trip to the gym. That Tuesday yoga class. Time in the kitchen to play, experiment, and create new, nourishing recipes. That vacation you planned yearly. Those guilt-free naps. Time in your garden. It may be none of these things. But you probably had that thing you...
Read MoreFour tips to manage your anxiety
The holidays are coming up, so this is just as good a time as any to talk about anxiety. Whether you struggle with anxiety often in your everyday life… …or if you’re simply finding yourself anxious at the prospect of the holiday season, here are some simple tips for understanding and taming your anxiety. Four tips for managing your anxiety So, what can we do when we feel like a burlap sack full of bees? Luckily, we can intervene with our anxiety at many different points—through our thoughts, our bodies, and our behaviors. But first things first. In order to intervene, we must have a sense of what’s going on. We need to tune in to our bodies and listen to...
Read MoreSeeking signs of life
I was not setting a good example these last few weeks. I wasn’t getting enough rest. I wasn’t getting enough things to eat. I wasn’t feeling all that well. They were some long weeks. And I was feeling rather run down. This is the backdrop to today’s story. It’s how I found myself outside, alone, in 30 degree weather. And how I found a little lesson on the ground in front of me during an ordinary walk. (And no, for those of you who remember my post a few weeks back, it wasn’t a piece of bird crap.) The long walk “A walk outside would be a good idea, Ann,” I told myself that day. “This is something you’re always telling your clients to do. Quit...
Read MoreHow to get unstuck
Today’s post comes from a guest blogger, Jason York. Jason is a counseling intern who sees clients under my supervision. He specializes in helping people get unstuck and he has just opened a few more spots in his schedule for clients. He offers counseling on an affordable sliding scale of $40 to $80 per session. If you’re looking for affordable counseling in Austin, email him to set up a free 30 minute consultation. Imagine you are walking in a field. With your eyes covered. And you are carrying a bag of tools. The field is filled with large holes in all directions. After a few minutes of walking, you make a right turn and fall into one of these...
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