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Just say when
I admit it. These days, I’m tired. A lot. My practice is getting really full. I’m starting to think about having a wait list of some kind. And getting together a list of people I can refer to. And of course, there’s also life outside of work. Let’s not forget about that. So life is giving me a run for my money at the moment. But why am I so tired? Reason why Ann might be tired: some theories I’m working longer hours—that’s an obvious one. But maybe it’s daylight savings time. It’s darker earlier, and some part of me might feel like hibernating. Or is the cold? That could be it. Or the reason might be a warmer one. A friend...
Read MoreSeeing through the shit
Monday morning, I had a most unwelcome surprise. I came out to my car, a few minutes behind schedule. Coffee jostling in my mug. Laptop, planner, and papers heaving about. I hoisted everything into the backseat. Got in. Fastened my seatbelt. (Safety first, people.) Turn the car on. And was greeted with a view of a bird turd the size of a small southern state on my front windshield. It was an inconveniently placed turd, too, let me tell you. It was directly in my line of sight. I swear this feathered little friend of mine had aimed. So what did I do? What have any of us ever done in this situation? I juiced up my windshield wipers and tried to banish the thing. Did...
Read MoreStop squeezing.
Today I have just one request for you. Stop squeezing. We can move through life propelled by pressure. Feeling as though life is happening to us, rather than something where we can have a say. Moments ago, I sat down to write this blog post and started to squeeze. Before I knew it, nothing was written. I was feeling frustrated, tense. Irritated with myself. I took a moment to reflect on my state of mind. I listened. And I realized: it’s better not to squeeze. Try it differently, Ann. Slow down. Be gentle. Trust the process. I’m taking my own advice today. Is this something maybe you’d like to try,...
Read MoreBrain jelly and motivation
Today we’re going to talk about what happens when you use your brain too much. Yes, that’s a real thing, and it can happen to you. I’m thinking of TV shows, the ones where the mom always tells her kids to get off the computer or stop watching so much TV and go read a book. “Use your mind!” she would say to them. Well, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Yes. Yes there is. It’s what happens when you push and push and push and you end up with brain jelly. There are three unfortunate factors that bring about this effect. Problem 1: You are busy. We live in a culture that worships at the altar of “busy.” People talk about how much they...
Read MoreAre you too sensitive?
Fooled you. This is actually a trick question. It’s like asking, “Is the sky too blue?” Sensitivity is a trait like any other—some people have more, some have less. But when someone says you’re sensitive, they’re rarely paying you a compliment. As a sensitive person, your feelings and reactions will usually be framed as errors or excesses: You are too sensitive. You are overly emotional. You are so moody. You are thin-skinned. (My smartass response to this usually comes out as “Compared to whom?”) But sensitivity is a quality that has strengths and weaknesses like any other. Today we’ll be exploring some of them. PS: This article isn’t just for...
Read MoreSeize the season this fall
It’s finally fall here in Austin. We had a cold front come through last weekend and the air is crisp and chilly. I’m crazy about the changing of the seasons, and fall is my favorite season. Seasons are lovely bookends to different sections of our lives. They’re like quarterly New Year’s Eveses— sweet reminders to be mindful of the passage of time, to get on with our carpe diem while the getting’s good. So how do we seize the season this fall? Harvest, harvest, harvest Traditionally, Fall is the season of the harvest. It’s a time when farmers worked by the moon’s light to gather up all the season’s yield before the winter frosts came. Fall heralds the...
Read MoreWhy it’s hard to find friends as an adult
You’re a nice enough person. You can carry on a conversation. You have interests. Hobbies. You even shower regularly. So how come it’s so hard to find someone to spend some time with? Why’s it so hard to find a friend? The number one factor in finding a friend The number one factor in finding a friend is proximity. In fact, this is true for romantic relationships as well as friendships. You can’t have a relationship with someone if you don’t know they exist. I’m willing to bet that there are some amazing people on the other side of the planet who might make excellent friends or life partners for you (possible language barrier notwithstanding) but you’ll...
Read MoreFrogs: the best breakfast food
Dread. It poisons productivity. It can take a simple, five minute task… … and turn it into a five day, five week, five month debacle. We avoid things we dread. It’s human nature. That’s why we need to eat frogs for breakfast. Frogs for breakfast? No, I don’t mean real, actual frogs. A frog is a task you hate. It’s the thing written on your to do list every day for the last three weeks that hasn’t. gotten. done. yet. Do you have those items? (Yeah, me too.) Those are your frogs. This whole notion of frog eating originally came from a Mark Twain quote: “If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And if...
Read MoreUnderstanding your inner critic
Today we’re going to take a quick look at the anatomy of our inner critic. We’ll be answering a couple of questions like: Why do we have inner critics? Where does my inner critic come from? How can we handle our inner critics? Let’s get started. Making an introduction Unless we’re doing some form of mindful practice, chances are pretty good we have some sort of mental chatter going on upstairs. Sometimes the chatter is a pleasant fantasy about some exciting plans. A special person. A creative project we’re excited to begin. Perhaps it’s a kind of mental replay that’s rehashing an unpleasant conversation we had. A bunch of the things we wish we...
Read MoreThe thing I forgot
I’ve gone and done it. Again. Took a perfectly nice thing I did for myself, and confused it. Take a look at my lunch. It’s the photo on the right, there. You may not be able to tell, but I sort of screwed up. I forgot something important. What did I forget? The thing I forgot Sunday night, I rallied under the message of self care. I “mom’ed” myself real good. I gave myself a bed time and stuck to it. Packed a healthy lunch. Picked out things to wear. Reviewed my plans for the next day, briefly, before bed. I was feeling pretty good about my efforts on Monday. I was rested, well groomed, and ready for anything. Until lunch time rolled around and I...
Read MoreIt’s time for…
…a break! I’m away from the office this week, practicing what I preach. I’ll be back same time next week with something new to offer. Meanwhile, I’m offering you a challenge. Your challenge Think hard about how to replenish yourself this week. Come up with three realistic, feasible options. Pick one. Follow through.
Read MoreThe upside to anger
Sometimes we slouch into feelings, looking for comfort. People talk a lot about this with pity parties. Y’know—just sitting around, feeling sorry for yourself. It’s funny, though—other, louder feelings can sometimes bring us comfort, too. Take anger, for instance. Sometimes we use anger to help us keep boundaries. Or we use it to hide hurt feelings. People often talk about how anger can be a pain in the ass. It’s a feeling that can get us into trouble, doing and saying things we shouldn’t. But anger can also feel good and can actually achieve some rather interesting things, if expressed appropriately. Let’s look at some of the creative ways we use this...
Read MoreThe Art of Weighing a Relationship
One of the most common things my clients grapple with is relationships. They’re weighing them. Measuring them. Looking from all angles. They’re trying to tell if they’re solid or hollow, helpful or hurtful. But rarely are things so black and white. Rarely are we able to walk away from something and feel it’s 100% bad and worth leaving. Rarely are we able to stay in a relationship and feel it’s 100% good and worth protecting at all costs. There’s always a complicated mix of factors. There’s always good and bad both. So how do we determine how much good is good enough? How much bad is too much? And if we really get down to it, how much of this stuff is...
Read MoreFalse yeses: the quiet thief
Today we’re going to talk about two of the most powerful words in your vocabulary. For all you Scrabble and Words with Friends fanatics, these aren’t some long and fancy words that use x, y, and z in strange combination to win you tons of points. Oh, no. These are some simple, plain words. But they absolutely govern your quality of life. And if you aren’t using them in the right doses, you’re probably giving away lots of your time and power. Ready? Here they are. Yes. No. The power of yes and no These two go together like salt and pepper. Too much of one or the other and you have an inedible meal. But the right blend seasons life perfectly. It goes like...
Read MorePicture yourself in December
Y’all really seemed to like last week’s post on outgrowing things. So this week, I want to extend the conversation in a weird way. Let’s press the fast forward button. Skip ahead. To the end of December. Picture yourself in time and place five months from now. Think of all the stress and pleasures of the holiday season. The traditions. The recipes. The weather. The presents. Are you there with me? Good. Let’s get to the good stuff. Those darn resolutions So imagine December. There it is. And notice how many New Year’s resolutions articles are in your Facebook feed. And pretend for a minute that you are reflecting back on the past year with...
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