I was not setting a good example these last few weeks.

I wasn’t getting enough rest.

I wasn’t getting enough things to eat.

I wasn’t feeling all that well.

They were some long weeks.  And I was feeling rather run down.

This is the backdrop to today’s story.

It’s how I found myself outside, alone, in 30 degree weather.

And how I found a little lesson on the ground in front of me during an ordinary walk.

(And no, for those of you who remember my post a few weeks back, it wasn’t a piece of bird crap.)

The long walk

“A walk outside would be a good idea, Ann,” I told myself that day.

“This is something you’re always telling your clients to do.  Quit being a hypocrite.  Go do it.”

I didn’t feel like it.  I wanted to stay inside and convalesce.  It was cold.

But I bundled up.  And out I went.

I didn’t have a particular sense of which route I wanted to take, or how long I wanted to walk for.  I just picked a direction and headed that way.

I could feel my legs getting cold through the thin fabric of my jeans.

I looked at the trees.

I watched my breath fog the air.

I looked at the different houses, tried to picture what they looked like on the inside.

I thought about the last few weeks.  Why they’d been hard.  How I hoped things would get better.  What might make things better.

I talked out loud to myself some, as I walked.

And it was a few blocks from home that I saw a bright spot of color on the ground in front of me.  Like a puzzle piece.

What I found

As I got closer, I realized it was a butterfly wing.  It was pale grey, with iridescent spots.

Among the damp, dark leaves, it gleamed like a treasure.

So I went over to it.

Not a wing, it turns out.

An actual butterfly, just lying there.

I prodded it gently with a stick, and the wings shifted.

At first, I couldn’t tell if the wing had simply caught a light breeze, or if it was still alive.

But then the wings flickered again, a brilliant flash of orange.

I realized I had been looking at the grey underside of the wings.  And that this poor fellow had probably just frozen in mid-flight and fallen to the earth, dying of the cold.

I couldn’t see any injury to his wings.

So I coaxed him onto a twig and carried him home in the shelter of my hands.

My new tenant

I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with my newfound friend, but I couldn’t leave him in the middle of the road.

I brought him home and put him in a room in the house where he would not be disturbed.

(I don’t know why the butterfly is a he.  He just is.)

When we got inside, I swear I could see his little antennae straighten.

His wings flickered.  He warmed right up and took a turn around the room.

I put out a little dish of sugar water for him.  He flew around the room a bit more.  I googled about how to care for butterflies.  We made friends.

In case you’re wondering, he’s still in that room, just hanging out.  I’ve decided to let him stay until it warms up again.

Butterflies have such a short life– I thought I owed him a bit of warmth during his brief time here.

Lessons learned

Some weeks, it’s hard to put one foot in front of the other.

We look for signs of life.  We feel frozen and tired and like we can’t go on.

Looking at that fallen butterfly, bright and dying amidst the fall leaves, I had a particular vantage point that I needed especially.

Sometimes life is cold and hard.

Sometimes we don’t know how to carry on.

Sometimes all we need is a warm room, and a little bit of sweetness to get by.

Sometimes others carry us, and sometimes we do the carrying.  But it is our job to seek warmth and shelter and sweetness– whether we make our own, or share in someone else’s.

Happy holidays.