It’s human nature to compare.

We do it all the time.

We’re constantly sizing up situations, doing our best mental math so we come out ahead.

This can be an excellent practice… for price comparison when shopping for toilet paper, maybe.

Or for getting a much-needed reality check about our own lives.

But sometimes?

Sometimes we just need to keep our eyes on our own paper.

Why we compare

Comparison can be adaptive.

If we’re falling behind the pack, we should probably know about it.

No one wants to be the straggler, the cheetah’s lunch.

Comparison can offer us an opportunity to make healthy changes.

And knowing where we stand relative to others may yield up opportunities for recognition, praise, and a healthy sense of pride when we’ve excelled.

(We all have a need for recognition, after all.)

Comparison is a tool, a tactic: it isn’t categorically bad.

But if it becomes a common mental habit, or if it is fueled by insecurity, it can cause a lot of harm.

Comparison gone wrong

Constantly comparing ourselves can be a huge source of stress.

This endless sizing up has a price.

We can lose perspective, lost in a never-ending mental tally of

who-did-what and

who-did-it-best

who-did-it-first

…that can be exhausting and alienating to those closest to us.

Constant comparison can fuel feelings of competition.  Competition, like comparison, can be good in small doses.

Chronic comparison is often a sign and symptom of low self-esteem.

It is a mental habit we use to soothe and reassure ourselves that we are okay.  Or, we may mentally tear down and diminish the accomplishments of those near us because we feel threatened.

These urges often stem from…

+ a feeling of unworthiness

+ a belief of needing to earn love and approval through performance

+ a sense of scarcity—that there is not enough (love, praise, attention) to go around

Again, comparison and competition are not inherently bad.

You can understand a lot more by watching the motivations that drive these habits…

Comparing yourself to a respected mentor or friend out of a desire for self-improvement is one thing.

Comparing yourself to others indiscriminately because you’ve got something to prove is another.

Basically:  if all this mental math makes us feel poorly about ourselves, we need to take a step back.

Healthy comparison

Do you engage in a lot of mental comparison?

Here are a few key things to ask yourself, to determine if these mental gymnastics are helping or hurting you:

Why am I comparing right now?  What’s the motivation?

What is it I respect or admire about this person?  Or am I putting someone down on purpose in order to make myself feel good?

Is this comparison making me feel encouraged and challenged to improve? Or does it leave me feeling diminished and discouraged?

Do I have to always feel like I’m doing better than others?

When in doubt?  Just keep your eyes on your own paper.

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Last year: Does your life need a trim?

Two years ago: How to handle the hungry ones