Fooled you.

This is actually a trick question.

It’s like asking, “Is the sky too blue?”

Sensitivity is a trait like any other—some people have more, some have less.

But when someone says you’re sensitive, they’re rarely paying you a compliment.

As a sensitive person, your feelings and reactions will usually be framed as errors or excesses:

You are too sensitive.

You are overly emotional.

You are so moody.

You are thin-skinned.

(My smartass response to this usually comes out as “Compared to whom?”)

But sensitivity is a quality that has strengths and weaknesses like any other.  Today we’ll be exploring some of them.

PS:  This article isn’t just for folks who identify as a HSP—a highly sensitive person.   If you’ve ever been called sensitive before, there’s something here for you.

Sensitivity as a liability:  living in thin skin

What does it mean to be sensitive anyway?

It all depends on how you look at it.

You chose to read this article partly based on the title, so let’s start there.

Let’s talk about some of the problems commonly associated with being too sensitive:

+ You get your feelings hurt easily.

+ You can exhaust yourself analyzing what someone meant when they said or did a certain thing.

+ You feel at the mercy of your emotions, having a harder time soothing and returning to “baseline.”

+ You may overwhelm others with your feelings.

+ You may be closed off to new possibilities or experiences.

+ You may become defensive or hurt when receiving feedback or criticism from others.

+ You can yourself overstimulated and overwhelmed by lights, sounds, and smells.

+ You “take everything personally.”

I’m sure you can think of others.  But what about the strengths associated with being sensitive?

Sensitivity as a strength: your extra antennae

While it is often framed as a weakness or character flaw, there are many strengths associated with sensitivity.

Here are just a couple of features commonly found among sensitive folks.

+ You are compassionate, attuned, and empathic.

+ You are creative and have an appreciation for art and aesthetics.

+ You are deeply intuitive and very good at anticipating other people’s needs and feelings.

+ You are conscientious and diligent in your dealings with others.

+ You are a good listener—patient and easy to talk to.

+ You interpret non-verbal cues better than most—sometimes you know what’s on someone else’s mind even before they do!

Sensitivity as a skill

So you’ve read about some of the strengths and weaknesses.

Now toss it all in the junk heap.

It’s not that the information is false, but we’re looking at the topic through a certain, limited lens.

The problem is that so many people make this trait very personal.

And as I said before: saying someone is sensitive is often meant as an attack or an insult.

It suggests that someone is weak.  Thin-skinned.  Almost like a character defect.

So it’s natural to go looking for articles about the pros and cons of sensitivity, to wonder if you are too sensitive, and to worry about how it might be affecting your relationships.

But try thinking about it differently.

Think of sensitivity as a skill.  It is something in your toolkit that gets you through life.

How skilled are you?

“You want me to do what now?”

Let’s consider how well you handle your sensitive side.

Does your sensitivity feel flexible, or partly under command?  Can you immerse yourself in it more in certain settings, and tuck it away during times when it might get squashed or squandered?

In general, does it feel like your sensitivity helps you or hurts you?

Does your lifestyle support this personality trait, or do you feel your life is in conflict with your sensitive nature?

Does your sensitivity feel like it mostly causes you grief or tension in relationships?  By contrast, how much happiness and fulfillment does it bring you?  Where does it show up the most?

Do you have resources and skills that help you balance your sensitivity—ways of soothing and comforting yourself when distressed, practices that bring you joy and help you feel anchored?

Looking at it from a skills perspective, you can see that sensitivity is not inherently good or bad.

Your sensitivity is like a zebra.

With the right saddle, it can take you many places quickly and serve you well.

Just don’t try taking it into inhospitable climates like the North Pole, where it will freeze.  And don’t ask it to blend in nicely with the background.  It isn’t built for that.

Your command of your sensitivity

After reading this, you may consider changing your relationship with this aspect of yourself.

You might want to give it a little more headway, see what creative, original notions, or deep bonds come out of an immersion into this sixth sense of yours.

Or you may be considering how this feature feels largely out of your control, how it taxes you and your relationships.

Regardless of what you observe, if you’re wanting to tinker with this particular feature, do it for yourself.  Have it be on your terms.

Changing because someone else told you to is going to take you nowhere fast.

So don’t change because other people tell you that you’re too sensitive (or not sensitive enough).

This will lead to resentment.

Be brave enough to ask yourself the hard questions, and be honest with the answers.

And then decide what you’d like to do.