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Three kindnesses
Flowers tell the story this week. I hope you don’t mind. I was having another stuck Sunday this week. I was struggling with a bit of trouble deciding what to write, letting my brain run forward to Thursday. (I guess I didn’t realize we weren’t there yet.) I was feeling out of sorts, planning and fretting about what needed to be done, and feeling cheated that I wasn’t enjoying the remaining hours of my weekend. So, after an hour of this, I decided I needed a bit of a mindfulness break. So I took a walk in my backyard and discovered what was blooming back there. (You might be surprised at what can bloom in the midst of a Texas summer. Take a look at the...
Read MoreGood is plenty
I’m going to suggest something pretty unpopular today. In fact, I’m pretty sure it is going to go against most of the counsel you’ve heard from other bloggers, columnists, therapists, and parents. I hope you’ll stick with me for the next five hundred words and give it a fair shake. I think it will help us all out, in the end. Most of us have gotten the advice that we need to go above and beyond in order to get ahead in life. This gets us into big trouble. For some reason, people often badmouth ordinary, run-of-the-mill efforts. Somehow, “good” got commandeered as another word for “bad.” “Well, what’s wrong with bringing your best to all your...
Read MoreNew directions
If you’ve been following this blog for more than a few weeks, you probably realize that I am apt to post about one of three things: -self care and wellness -trauma -people-pleasing Don’t believe me? Go back and look at the records. I’ve been posting every week for over a year, and I think that almost every post can be put into one of these three categories. …I suppose there was that one post on creativity, but we could argue that creativity is an important form of self-care. Maybe that seems like a strange hodgepodge of topics, but they’re all closely related. But I’m not getting into that relationship today. We are going somewhere...
Read MoreThe “I did” list: the cure for lost time
We’ve all had days that just seemed to disappear without getting anything “useful” done. Here’s a simple practice that helps you find that missing time, so you can truly appreciate all the things you do in a single day. As I was mulling over what to write about today, I stumbled across a really neat practice that’s part time management, part gratitude practice, and chock full of compassion. It’s a gentle counterpart to the ever-present “to do” list that so many of us have. It’s called an “I did” or a “Did do” list, and I think it’s brilliant. Here’s how it works. Making your list Take a moment to write out all the...
Read MoreDon’t be a crane wife
Lately I’ve been listening to one of my favorite songs by The Decemberists. It is based on a beautiful and tragic Japanese myth called Tsuru no Ongaeshi or “The Crane Wife.” After listening to the song a number of times, I realized that the lyrics speak to a common experience for many women: of being hungrily swallowed up by the needs of loved ones, of spinning greatness from their own beings on behalf of others, of giving and giving and giving until they hurt. Let’s start at the beginning and tell the story of The Crane Wife. The story The story, in essence, is this: a man encounters a wounded crane in the woods. He takes it home, nurses it back to...
Read MoreThe foul weather friend
A foul weather friend: when a friend enjoys your hardships more than your company. I imagine most of us have had a run-in with a fair weather friend at some point in our lives. You know the kind: the great friend who is always there when life is good but suddenly loses your number the moment things get rough. It’s a tough situation, to feel as though you are losing the support of a valued friend just when things have taken a turn for the worst. But, fewer people know that the fair weather friend has a twin. A foul weather friend is always there for you in times of hardship. They offer support, guidance, and a shoulder to cry on. They commiserate and validate...
Read MoreFinding Buddha at the breakfast table
“Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.” – Buddha Today’s post is a reflection on how we can find peace and comfort in simple past times and everyday tasks. I just had the most wonderful breakfast. It was a simple meal, but satisfying: loads of peaches, blueberries, raspberries and strawberries in a bowl, plus a glass of iced water. Breakfast doldrums Typically, I dread breakfast. I’m slow to warm to a new day and need plenty of time to wake up and “get situated.” I’m not hungry first thing in the morning. So, I usually start tackling various tasks that need doing and then find myself spaced out...
Read MoreGetting out from under yourself
Roadblocks. Dead ends. Blind corners. What to do when you don’t know what to do next. I know you’ve done it before. You know—gotten yourself into that trouble again. It looks familiar, feels familiar—different people or setting, same sorry script. “I thought I had made headway,” you think, feeling both discouraged and confused. “How did I end up here again?” Today we explore how we can be both the cause and the solution for some of our worst sort of troubles. We will talk about the heaviness of getting stuck or trapped in old and familiar patterns—and how to release ourselves from the snares. I like to call it “getting out from under...
Read MoreYou can be firm without being mean
Lots of people want to know more about how they can assert themselves at work and in relationships. Today we’ll talk about three good ingredients that can help you set limits appropriately and effectively. First, it’s important to understand why assertiveness is important. Assertiveness isn’t actually about being mean, annoying, or inconveniencing others. It is actually all about kindness, if you can believe it. Second, we need to know what our priorities are. We need to get at the heart of things so we can pick our battles. What’s really getting under your skin? Third, there’s the actual matter of being assertive—of setting limits kindly and...
Read MoreAre you pleased with your choices?
Yesterday was Memorial Day, so I spent some time thinking about that. As I was reflecting on the sacrifices that others have made to help make this life as full and safe as it is, it spurred me to think about the choices I’ve made in my own life. I like these moments of reflection. It feels like some powerful force is pulling me by the ankles, tugging me out of my busy mind and encouraging me to take in the bigger picture. “Do you like what you see?” it asks. “If not, what can we do about that?” It’s a bit nosy, this ankle-grabbing force. But it makes an excellent point. The meandering path Sometimes we are at a juncture in life when we feel that the...
Read MoreCoping with post-graduate stress disorder
It’s May, so of course I’ve been reading about post-graduate stress this week—called post-commencement or post-graduate stress disorder by some. It’s a new label that describes an age-old transition— the process of shifting one’s identity from student to worker and stepping more fully into the adult world. The process of stepping in and stepping up to a new set of priorities and responsibilities is a big job unto itself. While most of the material I’ve read is written with 20-somethings in mind, I think the take home message is good for all of us, regardless of our age or station in life. The confusing thing about being a student is that no matter how...
Read MoreTen signs you might be an overachiever
In today’s post, we will look at the building blocks that make up an “overachiever”—what it looks like, where it comes from, and how these selfsame features can both help and hurt us. What makes up an overachiever? It depends on who you ask, of course. What comes to mind for me is an overdeveloped work ethic, several helpings of perfectionism, maybe some poor work/life balance, and a tendency to locate worth in what one does, not who one is. Let’s take a closer look at some of the most common features. 1.) Self-neglect. An overachiever will routinely ignore personal needs and relationships in order to get the job done. This can range from missed bathroom breaks...
Read MoreKeeping yourself company
I don’t know about you, but I have a menu full of ingenious ways I can check out and step away from the desk of my life for a little while. This can be a valuable tactic when you’re in the middle of a crisis or just really, really busy and need to unplug from life for a bit. But, sometimes it can backfire. If we’re not careful, we can get stuck in a life that feels like it’s on autopilot. So, today I’ll be tackling the radical notion of showing up and keeping yourself company for a change. It’s a user-friendly form of mindfulness. Mindful what? Until recently, when I thought of mindful practice, I’d think of devout monks praying, or lengthy...
Read MoreGo away (so you can come back)
Last week, I experimented with taking a break from my blog. I wish I could say this decision was part of a master plan, but it wasn’t. I was having a hard time sitting down to write my post last week. I typically sit down to write it on Monday afternoon, so there’s time to edit and post before my Tuesday morning deadline. But, I had just come off one of those weekends that are weekends in name only. (I’m sure you know the kind—two whole days of “free” time that get crammed with chores and errands and other tasks you didn’t do during the week.) Feeling cheated of rest, I felt resentful and crabby. Come Monday, I was looking forward to seeing my...
Read MoreGone fishin’
I’ve been writing a weekly blog post for the past year without skipping a single week. Today, I’m experimenting with imposing structure and taking breaks. So, there won’t be a formal post today. Would you like to try this out with me? Pick something that you can feasibly set aside for a week. Maybe it’s something you’ve been putting off for ages but still looms large in your mind each day. Or, maybe it’s something you do dutifully every week, but you could really use a break. Decide to set it aside for this week. Promise yourself that you won’t work on it– or think about it– this week. Give yourself a bit of a break, with a promise to...
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