Yesterday was Memorial Day, so I spent some time thinking about that.  As I was reflecting on the sacrifices that others have made to help make this life as full and safe as it is, it spurred me to think about the choices I’ve made in my own life.

I like these moments of reflection.  It feels like some powerful force is pulling me by the ankles, tugging me out of my busy mind and encouraging me to take in the bigger picture.

“Do you like what you see?” it asks.  “If not, what can we do about that?”

It’s a bit nosy, this ankle-grabbing force.  But it makes an excellent point.

The meandering path

Sometimes we are at a juncture in life when we feel that the years ahead are already laid out in a careful framework for us—whether it’s in several years of regimented study for an advanced degree, the privilege and challenge of growing small people into large ones, or choosing a life partner or a career.  There are some choices that, once selected, powerfully shape and direct our lives ever after.  This shape can be both comforting and constricting.

But, it also happens that life can take an interesting, unexpected, or tragic turn.  The path isn’t steady and sure, and it winds and goes around bends so we can’t see where the next step will take us.  But, even in the extraordinary kismet, coincidence, and all other unpredictable and chaotic aspects of life, there is still a lot of personal choice there.  And there’s a lot of responsibility and power in that choice.

So, what if we’re stuck in a bad spot?  When faced with difficult choices, we may feel cornered in a no-win situation.  How can we make pleasing choices even in those cases?

The poetry of pleasing choices

To me, it seems reasonable that we would try to check in with ourselves every so often, to make sure life is still headed in a direction worth pursuing.  We all want to feel in charge of our lives, and that we are making pleasing and thoughtful choices.

But, as I mentioned earlier, life is fond of taking strange shortcuts, and sometimes we find ourselves in a hardship or an unexpected windfall that puts our best plans in the wastebasket.  (And you know what folks say about the best-laid plans.)

I think the idea here is not to have everything figured out necessarily—or to make the “right” choices, as if something as clear-cut as that even existed.  It’s more about making conscious choices, ones that you can stand by, look in the face as you are making them, and feel proud of them.

It’s about making choices in good faith, in keeping with who you are and what you value.  That way, even if it didn’t work out in the end, you were true to what matters for you.

Sometimes there will be choices where your vision and values aren’t clear.  In those cases, being conscious and thoughtful about your own uncertainty and confusion can actually bring clarity.  At a minimum, it can bring kind understanding to a difficult time—and that’s a precious thing all on its own.

Making the tough choices

Every day we make choices about whether to renew subscriptions to services and newsletters.  We choose which relationships to invest in and we pick how we spend our time and money.

Many of these decisions are snap judgments—we have to make so many of them, after all!  But what about the bigger and tougher ones?  How do you make pleasing choices in an unpleasant time?

If you have a practice or method that helps give you the perspective you need to make a difficult decision, please share it in the comments.  I’m curious to hear about how you manage it.