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The three little pigs of the new year
Are your new year’s resolutions poorly sheltered by mixed or half-hearted convictions? Or, are they shielded from life’s “wolves”—supported with reserves of stability, strength, and peace? Learn here how to nourish your goals, so you can flourish in the new year. I know there’s a whole heap of guidance about making and keeping resolutions already out there. Many articles will tell you to pick realistic goals, to be specific and to write them down. Others will encourage you to pair up with people who will support you in your goals, to reward yourself, and to not get discouraged if you slip up or lose your motivation temporarily. These are all fine...
Read MoreThe best gift
The season of gifting may be over, but there’s still a present you could give loved ones that has lasting value. It doesn’t cost much, and it’s as good to give as to receive. Most people don’t know how to put this gift on their wish list, but I’m willing to bet that nearly everyone you know would be happy to have it. So, what’s the gift? You can call it lots of things—but it comes down to being transparent, genuine, or real with the people you love. Put simply: stop cultivating a careful image of yourself and let loved ones know about what’s really going on in your life in the new year. What’s wrong with my image? It’s human nature to try and present...
Read MoreEveryday wellness
Magazines may have you thinking that “practicing wellness” means living in a spa, convalescing in a terry cloth robe with fresh slices of cucumber adorning your eyes. An alternative interpretation I’ve seen involves serenely sitting in stylish-yet-comfortable yoga clothes, a toasty cup of tea in one hand while the other artfully holds rudra mudra. These glimpses represent a lifestyle most of us cannot manage in perpetuity. We cannot live in the spa or yoga studio, much as we might like to do so. We have jobs, pets, bills, and Tuesday afternoon errands that need attention. And so, we find ourselves gazing dreamily at a patch of floor in a massage...
Read MoreThe idle hour
All you go-getters out there will probably start reading this and think that this post proposes something lazy, indulgent, and/or stupid. My aim is, after you’ve read this—you do have time to read 700 words, don’t you?—that you’ll see the value in cultivating unscheduled time and perhaps even experiment with trying it out for yourself. For those of you who are accustomed to this practice, I hope you’ll feel affirmed in your choice. We live in a culture that frowns upon lazy afternoons, and I want you to know you have an idle ally. What is idleness? By idleness, I mean simply having a reasonably generous portion of unstructured, unscheduled time to play...
Read MoreHandling holiday stress: a survival guide
This week’s post is designed to help you stock your coping arsenal with some new ideas and options for getting through this holiday season. It will help if you use both portions of the handling holiday stress series—pinpoint your biggest stressors first and then consult this list for ideas about how to cope with them. To find the first part of this series, go here. The antidote for your holiday ills will depend on which kind of stress will loom largest for you this year. I have picked some of the most common sources of stress and then offered some ideas and remedies for these. Pick and choose those that fit best with your personality and your situation. Family Family...
Read MoreHandling holiday stress: nine common culprits
Why are the holidays so hard? You may have a ready answer to that question. Perhaps you’ve spent quite a bit of time detailing reasons why the-most-wonderful-time-of-the-year—isn’t. Or, you may really cherish this time of year. The gift-giving or music, the shopping or the cheerful spirit of the holidays, or perhaps just the simple gesture of bundling up against colder weather may bring you great joy and comfort. Whether or not you observe one of the many holidays strewn between late November and early January, you will nonetheless find yourself in the midst of much celebration and expectation. And regardless of the spirit you bring to the season—rapt...
Read MoreSeven tips for easing gently into your mornings
I am certain, somewhere, there are people who like mornings. This article is not for them. This article is for the people who struggle in the mornings. It is for the people who, no matter how well they seem to budget their time, cannot make it out the door on schedule. If you often find that you spend a good portion of your morning searching for your keys, your breakfast, or the pair of clean socks that you set down “just a moment ago,” this is for you. If you’ve ever driven away with your morning coffee riding solo on the top of your car, this is for you. If you find yourself feeling like you need to go lie down for a few minutes after launching your partner...
Read MoreYielding to a hard truth
I’m going off-track today. I was supposed to conclude my three-part discussion about good sleep habits this week. But, I’ve elected to delay finishing the series by addressing something more timely and certainly more important. I suppose there is a thread of continuity with our series, as I have lost some sleep over it. And yet, the topic has a heft and a heaviness to it that no amount of good sleeping habits will remedy. I’ve been reading numerous articles lately detailing what is happening on the Penn State campus regarding the sexual abuse allegations against Sandusky. These headlines have caught my attention for two reasons: The first is that I work with...
Read MoreWhat to do when sleep won’t come
We’ve all had at least a few nights of the alarm clock face-off. You know the kind I mean: the ones where your eyes keep finding those bright red digits emblazoned in the dark of your bedroom, announcing that if you fell asleep right now, you’d get only four hours and 33 minutes of sleep. Better hurry up! … Make that four hours and 32 minutes. Darn it! There are few things more frustrating than watching your rest tick away a minute at a time in the wee hours of the morning, having the full intention of falling asleep, anticipating the very full day ahead of you, and yet somehow being unable to fall or stay asleep through the night. Today’s post is...
Read MoreNine tips for restful sleep
As fall deepens and the days shorten, your body’s internal clock is attempting to shift with the seasons. Even with the benefits of daylight savings time, we will still have dark mornings and early twilights during the fall and winter months. I’ve talked before about how fall and winter can be sleepy seasons—animals hibernate and fields lie dormant. What better time, then, to talk about ways of getting good sleep? In this three part series, we will look at time-tried methods for improving the quality of your sleep, what to do when sleep won’t come, and finally, some tips to help you ease into the morning routine with gentleness rather than a jolt. This week, we...
Read MoreGo ahead, be whatever you want
Halloween. Many otherwise responsible, level-headed adults get a little frantic with the magic of this holiday—and no wonder. Halloween hearkens to the precious realm of dress up and make-believe from childhood. In each of us, I believe, there is a part that seeks stories and longs to get a bit lost in fantasy. Whether we get gussied up and go out on the town, or we delight in decorating and transforming a home into a haunt, or we painstakingly assemble a sweet costume for a son or daughter, there is a common element of playfulness and possibility that is shared and enjoyed on this day. So, we each get our one allotted day of make-believe. Everyone handles...
Read MoreFall rituals: finding your pieces of comfort
I love fall. Nevermind that a Texas fall is not really much of a fall compared to the kaleidoscopic trees of the Northeast during the turning of the seasons. Almost in spite of itself, the Texas temperature sinks, low enough to put a fire in the fireplace, low enough to need a blanket or two to stay warm in the evenings. Fall is a sleepy time. The world is bedding down for a long night. She’s grasping the corners of her mantle and giving it a brisk shake, as you might a bedsheet or a lumpy pillow, preparing for slumber. It is also a time of profound change. Perhaps more than any other season, fall represents a shedding of old foliage for the new, the fresh, and...
Read MoreInvested in yourself lately?
Yesterday was World Mental Health Day. My twitter feed was abuzz with articles from peers and friends singing the virtues of yoga, psychotherapy, massage, and meditation. The Facebook business page of nearly every therapist I know made a nod to the event. This year’s theme was timely and telling: “Investing in mental health.” Of all the commentaries and articles I read about this year’s World Mental Health Day, the one that made the most lasting impact wasn’t actually an article. It was a seven-panel comic. Like most clever humor, the cartoon offers a sharp and useful commentary about the limitations of the current healthcare system in the UK. I think...
Read MoreThe sugared chin incident
After all the writing about trauma these past few weeks, I want to start with something a bit more lighthearted today. Today, I write about the sugared chin incident. This happened about a week ago. In an effort to make sure I managed a breakfast one Tuesday morning, I tempted myself with a cherry danish. I have a slow appetite in the morning, and it sometimes takes a bit of bribery to get some breakfast down. So, this danish was a real treat for me—I snagged one at a bakery near my home and took it with me to the office. I managed to eat about half of it before my first session began. It was delicious—fresh, still warm from the ovens, and with a wonderful...
Read MoreHow to sit with someone else’s pain
The past few weeks, I have been writing about trauma—the problems with our working definition of trauma, my concerns about the ways we listen and attend to the pain of others, and an acknowledgement about how pervasive trauma and grief are in our culture. I don’t want to be the person who points out problems or concerns without offering ideas for remedy. So, today’s post takes a different angle: how can we respond with compassion and concern to the emotional needs of our loved ones. It sounds simple, doesn’t it? And yet, we so often feel a desire to relieve a person of their feelings or concerns that we launch too quickly into problem-solving or...
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