Top ten ways to get the most out of your therapy hour

Let’s say you’ve decided to take the plunge and you’ve scheduled an appointment with a therapist. Or, perhaps you’re already in therapy and looking for more ideas about how to make the most of your treatment. Either way, this article is for you.

The first step to having an effective therapy is choosing a therapist with whom you feel comfortable and safe. I’ve written about that here. For the purposes of this article, I’m assuming you’ve already found a therapist and now want to know how you can take advantage of all that therapy has to offer.

If you attend therapy once weekly, those four therapy hours hold a big responsibility for helping you cope with or make changes in the remaining 716 hours you have in a month. Here are some tips to help all that work during your weekly session promote some powerful changes in your life.

1.) Show up. Maybe it goes without saying, but your consistent attendance is key to achieving long-lasting benefits in therapy. When the work gets really hard, or your schedule gets really full, it can be tempting to cancel a session. But, your therapy relies on consistency. And, make every effort to be on time—those minutes are yours and you are paying for them whether or not you use them!

2.) Get goals. If you’re not quite sure about how therapy works, or you can’t quite pinpoint the problem in your life, that’s ok. Work with your therapist early on to establish some guidelines or goals for improvement. A good question to ask yourself at the start of therapy is, “How will I know when therapy should end? How will things be different in my life?”

3.) Say what’s on your mind. It can be hard to open up, particularly in a new relationship, but your therapist’s effectiveness is limited by the materials and information you give him or her. As fully as possible, talk openly and honestly about what is on your mind, what came up during the week that relates to your goals, and so forth. This can feel a bit funny—sometimes people like to ease into session with a bit of a check-in, but if you are able, you can dive right into the matter at hand. If you’re having trouble talking about something, say so. Your therapist is there to help with the tough stuff and to set a pace that is a balance of comfortable and challenging.

4.) Clue your therapist in. Your therapist may have a boatload of training, but they don’t know you nearly as well as you do. If they’ve missed something or perhaps they’ve simply misunderstood, say so. If you’ve done therapy previously, talk about what was helpful and what wasn’t. Your therapist may have expertise in mental health, but you have a lot of wisdom to share about how they can be most helpful to you.

5.) Stay motivated. If your interest in your therapy is flagging, get curious. While it is a possibility that you’ve reached the end of your work, there could be other reasons for feeling this way. Does it feel like things are stalling out? Are you tackling a tough topic that you’d rather avoid? Did your therapist say or do something that you found offensive or hurtful? Regardless of the cause, a period of low motivation signals an opportunity for reflection and learning. It’s best to bring this up with your therapist and discuss it.

6.) Think about the hour outside of the hour. For therapy to be effective, you need incorporate what you’ve learned into your everyday life. Write some notes or journal about the session each week to help you track your progress and impressions. There are some instances when it may be best to leave your discussions and impressions at the door. If you are doing intensive work on trauma, for example, you and your therapist may have talked about ways to “leave” the topic in the therapy room each week. If it feels manageable, though, some reflection outside of the hour can really speed things along inside your therapy hour.

7.) Try new stuff. Simply thinking about what you talked about in therapy usually is not enough to bring about the kind of change you want. You will need to both talk through and try new things in order to get the results you want. This can be a real challenge—so don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Just remember—your therapist can offer support and guidance, but they cannot do the work for you.

8.) Give yourself a quarterly review. Check in with yourself and your therapist to see if you like where you’re headed. This is where having some preliminary goals or guidelines can come in handy. If you’re not seeing the results you’d like, talk it over with your therapist.

9.) Be curious. Therapy is an opportunity to try on ideas, feelings, and perspectives in a safe place. Your therapist may offer an idea or option that you disagree with—and it is absolutely your right to disagree. However, you may find you learn a lot about yourself if you can be open to feedback and alternative possibilities. We all have blind spots. Let your therapist help you gently find yours.

10.) Be patient. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Depending on what’s bringing you in, therapy can take months or years. But don’t worry—if you can’t see yourself committing to years in treatment, know that many people come into and out of therapy as life hands them different challenges and opportunities. Whether you’re in therapy for a couple of sessions or the long haul, each hour presents a unique and powerful opportunity to leverage more happiness and wellbeing into your everyday life.

How do you get the most out of your therapy?