Top Five Signs You’re Overdue for an ESC

Last time, I shared a little bit about what an emotional spring cleaning is and why it could be useful.  Before you consider your strategy for your internal revitalization, you might want to check the level of your inner clutter.  Your strategies will vary depending on your priorities and the size of the stuff you’re looking to clear out.

So, if you’re wondering about whether you’re due for an emotional spring cleaning, I’ve listed the top five warning signs that your internal world needs some refreshing and decluttering.

1.)     Your dream life.  Parts of your mind that are kept quiet during the day having an interesting way of grabbing the megaphone at night.  While not everyone believes that dreams have intrinsic meaning, I do think that dream content can be an interesting window into thoughts, desires and fears that hibernate or hide during the day.  One of the neat things about dreams is that they have a way of commenting in honest and sometimes confusing ways about the clutter in our heads.  Has a certain person or event stolen the spotlight in your dreams lately?  Make a note of it.

If you are having recurring, vivid nightmares, this may be a symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder.  You should consider consulting with your doctor or a mental health professional to determine if this is the case.

2.)    The clench.  Also known as “the hunch,” this refers to where and how we habitually hold tension in our bodies.  Some people experience a tightness or clenching in their stomach.  Others characteristically hold their tension in their shoulders and necks and tend to hunch forward.  In the short run, these methods can be protective if there is a physical threat we need to defend against or escape.  But, if you’re finding this is a habitual way of being in the world, you need to assess your stress level. Constant vigilance and repeated exposure to high levels of stress can erode at your physical and mental health.

So, check in with yourself—how are you holding your body?  Do you have new aches and pains that do not have a discernible cause or diagnosis?  If you’re walking everywhere like you’re bracing for something, it’s time for an emotional spring cleaning.

3.)    Those unforgettable digits.  Just about everyone has had a phone number they will themselves to forget without success.  Our mind has a funny habit of forgetting important, scheduled events and to-dos during the week but will stubbornly retain details about bad fights, exes, and traumas.  And, our mind can also frustratingly fixate on happy memories that haunt and torment us in those first, unsteady weeks and months of singledom as we try to get our bearings.  Ironically, a mind that wills itself to forget something must necessarily hold that very thing in mind in order to forget it.  I want you to try something and you’ll see what I mean.  For one whole minute, I want you to not think of a pink elephant.

How’d it go?  If you’re like most people, you try to force yourself to think about other things to fill your mind to capacity, but ultimately you end up thinking about that darn pink elephant.  It turns out that this “bubbling up” effect with the forbidden thought is quite common, and it achieves the opposite effect of what you intended.  If you have a lot of pink elephants in your mind, you’re probably due for an emotional spring cleaning.

4.)    The final straw.  If it feels like every straw is the last straw, you need to pay attention.  If you are uncharacteristically irritable, this is a sign that something isn’t working in your world.  If you’re living on the last straw, your internal reserves are depleted and you feel as though you’re running on fumes.  Gone is the grace and patience that you brought to difficult tasks in the past.  When you aren’t irritable, you may feel yourself close to tears or in a numb, fatigued state much of the time.

Your arrival at the final straw could have several reasons.  You may be asking too much of yourself, or you may find upon reflection that you struggle to say “no” when needed.  You may have unrealistic, perfectionistic expectations of your own performance.  You may be grieving a painful loss.  Regardless of the reason, if you’re so tightly wound that it feels like the slightest pressure might “unleash” you on someone, you might want to do some internal rummaging.

5.)    A bleak heart.  You can’t remember the last time you laughed.  It’s hard to recall what it feels like to wake up feeling content or calm.  Nothing holds your interest anymore.  While we all have “bad days” when we might feel a bit bleak or hopeless, these feelings often tend to clear up over time on their own.  But, sometimes these feelings can inhabit your heart and take over your life.

If you’re feeling down persistently for many days in a row (at least two weeks is the gold standard in the counseling field), you may be struggling with depression.  The signs and causes of a depressed mood are various.  An emotional spring cleaning might shed some light on your mood and encourage you to get the support you need to feel good again.

Does any of this look familiar?  If several of these signs fit the bill for you, you might consider enlisting the help of a therapist in your sorting-through process.

It turns out that there are some more crucial signs for determining if you’re ready for an emotional spring cleaning.  I want to give you some time to consider what I’ve listed here, and I’ll have part two ready for you next time!  Then, we will discuss the particulars of practicing a little emotional spring cleaning.