The fear of missing out (aka FOMO)
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As a kid, I was fond of choose your own adventure books.
Remember those?
The ones with the jumbled chronology, that had you flipping back and forth between pages?
They had all those choice points, about one per page—
do you climb up into the tree to get a better vantage point, (turn to page 13)
or do you get out your lantern and follow the path into the dark forest? (turn to page 27)
I was delighted at the prospect of shaping the story with my choices. Such power!
And yet, I kept my fingers laced between the pages at all the choice points I could,
wanting to see all the endings,
even the bad ones.
Any time I hit a dead end in the story, I just thumbed back and started over again.
Trouble is, life doesn’t work that way.
So, we often struggle with the fear of missing out.
Does FOMO have a hold over you?
I sat down to write this post, not realizing that fear of missing out (aka FOMO) actually has, well, an acronym and everything.
So that’s the first thing to know—if you grapple with this, you’re not alone.
The fear of missing out can hold great power over us.
It can haunt big life choices, and pervade even the small details of our day to day lives.
Having many choices and opportunities can feel oppressive instead of freeing & exciting.
Here are a couple of signs you may be suffering from the fear of missing out:
You’re…
+ often anxious about making the wrong choice re: your career, your partner, or your Friday night plans
+ always looking for the next best thing
+ constantly comparing your life to other people’s lives via Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and any other data you can find
+ really uncomfortable with feelings of regret
+ unable to relax while you’re on vacation because you’re preoccupied with what’s going on at home
+ fearful about commitment
+ worried about being left out
It’s the ultimate “grass is greener” argument, played out on the landscape of your life.
And it can bring all of your decisions, past, present & future, under fire.
The irony of FOMO
What’s especially ironic about FOMO is that it brings about the very thing you fear.
That is, by being fixated on choosing & worrying about missing out on stuff, in that moment you are absolutely missing out.
Why? Because, by being in this anxious state of comparison and checking, you have dropped out of awareness of your life in the present moment.
Instead, you have either shifted to thinking of the past & regret,
or your mind has catapulted you into the future, steeped in anxiety and worry.
If you’re preoccupied with a choice that has yet to be made,
wondering what would have happened if,
or comparing yourself endlessly to others…
… it’s like you’ve hit the pause button on your life, because you’re watching the movie of someone else’s.
The cure for FOMO
Instead of letting your anxiety push you around, take charge & get back in the driver’s seat.
Acknowledge when FOMO rears its head. Confront yourself when you are ruminating or fixating on what ifs, Facebook, and fantasies of the past or future.
Learn to tolerate your anxious feelings & sort them out instead of letting them propel you into a frenzy of activity.
When you’re feeling jealous about other people’s choices & opportunities, ask yourself,
“Is that truly something I would be happy to have?”
Try not to get stuck in analysis paralysis.
And last but not least, one of my personal favorites, say no.
Say no to the stuff you don’t want. Don’t worry, you do it at the grocery store all the time. You can do it in your head, too.
Don’t load up on activities & responsibilities out of a sense of obligation or a fear of missing out.
Check in with your boss (aka, you) before agreeing to take stuff on.
Final thoughts
By trying to hold onto all of our options indefinitely, we hold onto none of them.
The course of life carries us forward, no matter what.
We just don’t get to bookmark things with our fingers.
So, there sweetness & vulnerability that comes really reckoning with this truth & committing to a path.
There is something very brave about getting in touch with this particular sort of fear.
Some things in life lend themselves to the choose-your-own-adventure sort of experience of life.
(It’s one of the reasons I love Baskin-Robbins and their delightful little pink spoons.)
But for the bigger stuff—well, we just can’t have it all. It just isn’t possible.
Maybe that brings up some fears for you, but think about it…
…would you rather have 31 tiny samples of ice cream,
…or would you rather pick two and have a really rich, tasty sundae?
If you’d like to learn more about FOMO, try these posts–
The fear of missing out and how it’s killing you
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Last year: The upside to anger
Two years ago: The hidden hours, repurposed
Three years ago: What’s your daily apple?
