I had plans to write about a different topic today.  But this was more important.

Today, people are piecing together what happened in Boston.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the story, on Monday two bombs detonated near the finish line of the Boston marathon.

As of this morning, three people are confirmed dead and more than 140 people have been injured.

No one is in custody at the moment, though the police are working hard to locate the person or people responsible.

When I heard the news yesterday, I watched as people took a sort of informal roll call on Facebook, trying to discern who was where, were loved ones okay and accounted for, and did anyone see anything?

This morning, I’m suddenly reminded anew of the meaning of the phrase:  “as the dust begins to settle.”

So, what do we do now?

I’m piecing together some thoughts as I go.  I hope they are helpful.

Helping others

Sometimes being helpful in the aftermath of a crisis is an antidote to the feelings of powerlessness and horror we may have.

A few thoughts about how you can be helpful to others.

1.)    If you wish, you can make a donation.

Right now, the Red Cross is saying that it no longer needs blood donations, though that will likely change in the next few weeks.

In fact, the Red Cross and other charitable organizations often find that people turn out in great numbers to assist immediately following a crisis.  But, in the weeks and months following an event, help often dwindles as public awareness fades.

Consider making a donation to a charitable organization of your choice and put a note in your planner to do it in a month or two.  By that time, this will not loom as large in the minds of most people, unless they were more closely impacted.

2.)    Let people tell you what they need. 

After confirming that loved ones and friends are okay, let yourself be available, but also give them some space.  Ask how you can help.

Help can come in all kinds of ways.

Casseroles and laundry.

Texts and cards.

Prayers and hugs.

Tailor the help to the person in need.  Make it about them, not you.

3.)    Don’t ask for a story. 

Show interest and concern in the person, not their story.

If they want to tell their story, let them.

And guard your own heart a bit as they tell it.  Vicarious trauma is a very real thing.

In general, make your questions more about how they are doing rather than what they saw.

It’s natural to be curious, and media coverage can turn a trauma into a spectator sport.  So before you ask a question, consider why you’re asking it.

4.)     Share resources. 

Immediately following a crisis, people will likely be struggling to meet basic needs.

They may need medical care, shelter, clothing, or food.  They may be trying to locate loved ones.

Over time, their needs will evolve.  It is in the days and weeks following a crisis that signs of depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder can emerge.

Mental health needs can be harder to track and treat because they can be harder to detect.  As life “goes back to normal” for some, for others it does not.

Keeping tabs on people closely impacted in the weeks and months after a trauma is important.  Develop a sense about mental health resources in your community.  It’s a good thing to know.

Helping yourself

The previous section was all about how you can help others who have been impacted personally by this tragedy.

But you deserve some attention, too.

You don’t need to be on the front lines of something to be impacted by it.  So consider if you might want a little help, too.

1.)     Be a gentle curator. 

The media will give a running narrative about what happened.  At any given moment in time, the articles you read will contain similar information.

Some will include graphic details or pictures of the event.

Consider your own tolerance for these details.  Be a gentle curator about what you read during this time.

Think of the continuous news coverage like a buffet.  Just because there are 18 kinds of food present doesn’t mean you have to try them all.

The same is true for media coverage for a trauma.  There will be new articles published hour by hour.

I understand the need for some to stay well informed as the story unfolds.  That makes sense to me.

But think about that buffet metaphor again.  Are you full?  Do you have all the information you need for now?  Don’t keep “eating” news stories if you already have the facts.  You can make yourself sick with overexposure.

2.)     Let yourself be. 

Everyone will cope with this event in a different way.  Some will grieve openly.  Some will go back to life as normal quickly.

But if you know what happened, you are impacted in some way by the news.

Whatever your reaction is—just let it be.  Try to accept your feelings with compassion.

Think about what you have done in the past to cope.  If your choices have been healthy ones, use those.

If you are struggling to think of ways to soothe yourself that are constructive, reach out to others for help.  There’s no need to be alone with it.

3.)     When you are ready, get back into your routine.

This is a tough one for the people in Boston—not just from an emotional perspective, but a logistical one.

Many do not have access to work downtown because of the ongoing investigation there.  Some local colleges have cancelled classes today.

So, the return to normalcy may come in fits and starts.

And for some, it may come more easily.

When things feel crazy, retreating to the comfort and structure of routine can feel right.  But it can’t be forced.  So be patient with where you are.

Take good care

Everyone has different ways of coping with hardship.

If you’d like more ideas about how to be helpful to someone who has experienced trauma, you can learn more here and here.

To learn more about the impact of different kinds of trauma, try this.

Wherever you are, be gentle and take good care of yourself.  If you know of someone who might need to read this, please pass the message along.

-Ann