Strapped for time and wondering how you can make this day an absolute bust?  Here are seven fail-safe methods that’ll have you sobbing or screaming by bedtime.

Start tired.  A bad day starts off with a good helping of sleep deprivation.  Get fewer than eight hours of sleep the night previous.  Procrastinate by watching bad TV episodes, the endings of which you won’t remember in a day’s time.  If you need more ideas, go here, and do the opposite of everything listed.  You’ll be off to a great start in no time!

Overschedule yourself.  This might be four consecutive meetings, or working more than eight hours a day.  I don’t know what overfull looks like for you, but here’s a simple test:  do you have time scheduled for meals?  Do you have time for bathroom breaks?  Do you have down time during the week or on weekends?  If the answer is no, you’re overscheduled.  The best part about overscheduling, other than long work days, is that you’ll probably be running late to most things.  Running late is always a great mood brightener.

Ignore the nice.  Be sure to avert your gaze from the skyline while idling at red lights.  Eat your food, but don’t taste it going down.  Walk so fast between meetings that you don’t have time to say hello to colleagues.  Fail to appreciate the snow, sun, or any other aspect of the earth’s rhythms.  Bonus points:  stay inside from sun up to sun down.  Extra points if you’re in a room without windows or plants.

Refuse help.  You’re a better person if you do it all yourself, and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.  Bonus points if you cultivate a quiet feeling of resentment after declining help when no one steps in to assist you after you said you’d do it yourself.

Skip lunch.  This one shouldn’t be a surprise, as I’ve carped about this before.  This one’s for the folks who get so stuck in their work that they forget mealtimes.  You skipped breakfast, or lunch, (or both), and now your stomach is growling through all your afternoon meetings and your brain is starved.  Your work will take longer to complete, you’ll make careless errors, and your mind will wander easily.  PS:  If you’re purposefully restricting food intake in order to control your weight or your feelings, please seek out a qualified therapist for some help.  Those practices may help you feel in control now, but they have a way of getting you by the throat and not letting go.

Dwell.  Sweat the small stuff at every opportunity.  Get really outraged about bad drivers on the way to work.  Worry about deadlines or concerns over which you have no control.  Did your office mate take your last paperclip?  Let them know your wrath.

Facebook stalk your ex.  This is always a good idea.  If you don’t have an ex to stalk, feel badly about that, and then go look at the profiles of people whose lives seem to be going much better than yours.  Compare yourself endlessly.  Lament the bad hand you’ve been given.  Then, complain to your friends about it.  A nice variant on this option is to seek out headlines, newsfeeds, or discussions online that get you tied in knots.  Dwell on them, craft long comments that are summarily ignored by others, and then wonder why you didn’t have enough time to get your work done.

Disclaimer

Just to make sure that no one misunderstands, this list isn’t meant to be taken seriously.  It’s a parody about common stresses and habits that leave us feeling depleted and dissatisfied at the end of a long day.

This list is meant to be an honest mirror that you can see yourself in.  So, if you see something familiar on this list, welcome to the human race.  We all do these things from time to time.  The trick is catching yourself when you start to do it next time, so you can choose a different, more satisfying option instead.

Why the ironic headline?  Sometimes it’s easier to change when we can spot ourselves in a list of no-no’s rather than reading a list of helpful to-do’s.

The good news

Check the list again.  What do you notice?  These are all actions under your conscious control.  It may take some willpower.  It may mean surrendering some of your favorite bedtime TV (or perhaps just pushing it to a more reasonable hour.)  Perhaps it asks you to be more honest with yourself about your feelings or motivations.  It’s not the end of the world, though.  And, you get to choose how much you want to change, when, and how.  That’s powerful!

If you needing help uprooting a bad habit, or if you’re unsure what to cultivate in its place, consider getting the help of a therapist or coach.

There are so many things to love about living in Austin, and here’s one more:  we have so many talented and skilled therapists here to help!  If you’re looking for a therapist in Austin, feel free to contact me for a referral.