Last week, I promised a post about living from a place of integrity.

But what does that even mean?

It basically comes down to this:

Living with integrity means making choices you can stand by proudly.

It’s when your choices, behaviors & values are aligned.

3 signs that you’re living a life of integrity

Living with integrity doesn’t mean living perfectly.

Or always doing the “right thing.”

(As if “the right thing” for any given situation was always spelled out clearly on the nearest wall and underlined twice.)

Life is complex and nuanced.

So, there may be times when you may choose to make exceptions.

There will be things that don’t go as planned.

Or you have to make a hard choice, a surprising choice.

Perhaps you might have to make a compromise in the short term, in order to honor long-term goals.

Still, here are three signs that show if you’re heading in the right direction:

1.) Do you do what you say you’re doing to do? (Or do you say one thing and do another?)

2.) When you say that certain stuff is important in your life, do you act like it is?

3.) Do you look at your choices and decisions and generally feel proud of them?

Integrity & advice

So. There are a couple of reasons I don’t tend to give my clients advice.

(Yes, I promise that this has to do with integrity.  Keep reading.)

1.) I wasn’t trained to give advice. I was trained to be curious, ask questions, and hold space for my client to make choices that are right for them.

2.) My giving advice supposes that I know better than my client does what’s right or best for them. Often, my clients know what would be best for them, they just have a hard time following through with that choice.

3.) Choices are personal. I don’t get to decide what’s right or wrong for my clients. If I’m judging my client’s choices, I’m no longer listening to them or trying to understand their point of view.

That doesn’t mean I won’t ever confront my clients on their choices, or that I don’t have my own values or opinions about things.

But integrity isn’t about some sort of absolute right/wrong judgment.

It’s all about the person, their values and their choices.

Integrity isn’t about right and wrong

For example.

A woman might decide to quit her job and sell her home to move across the country to be with her partner.

She makes this choice based on her investment in the relationship, her desire for closeness & connection, and so on.

Or, the same woman might choose to stay where she is, to continue dating long-distance, or to insist her partner move to be with her, or to even end the relationship.

She makes this choice based on her investment in the life she’s made for herself in her hometown.

Both of these choices could be right for her.

She must determine which values will govern, and why.

If she makes this decision from a conscious place, if she communicates her expectations and desires to her partner—then she is acting from a place of integrity, regardless of which choice she makes.

Living from integrity isn’t a guarantee that life has a happy ending.

(But I think it certainly gives you more of a fighting chance for one.)

3 signs your integrity is out of whack

Integrity has to do with making fresh, real choices—choices that reflect & honor your needs in the moment. And choices that also honor your long-term goals.

Remember:  living with integrity doesn’t mean being perfect.

It means owning your humanness.

It makes making conscious, deliberate choices.

It means not abandoning yourself when things get rough.

Here are three signs your integrity may be out of whack:

1.) If you are making choices from a place of fear or desperation. (Integrity & fear are pretty incompatible.)

2.) If you’re making choices based on other people’s opinions rather than your own, whether out of a desire for approval, out of fatigue, or out of habit.

3.) If you’re feeling pushed around by your own life.

The loud and quiet of integrity

Some people, when they think of living with integrity, they think of grand gestures and speeches.

They may think of confrontations, of sudden and sharp overhauls to a lifestyle.

And it’s true that sometimes.

Living from a place of integrity may mean some big changes.

Exiting a relationship that isn’t healthy, maybe–

or making a career change in search of greater meaning or satisfaction.

But integrity can show up rather quietly, too.

It can be small or simple gestures, like these:

A simple no to a request for a favor.

A healthy breakfast.

The sanctity of a yoga class just for you.

Or an afternoon spent walking your kids home from school.

Or, or, or…

Living and working from a heartfelt, honest place is one of the biggest pleasures in life.

Do you want to invite more integrity into your life?

Take a look at your choices, behaviors, and values. Are they aligned? What can you do to bring them closer together?

Whether it’s by way of grand gestures or small and simple practices, I invite you to bring more integrity and fullness into your life.

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Last year: You get what you think you deserve

Two years ago:  Good is plenty

Three years ago:  Seven qualities to take with you into your therapy