Heartbreak is real.

In fact, many people come to therapy for help after a bad breakup.  But, some folks feel ashamed about this.  They don’t feel entitled to their own feelings.

But who hasn’t felt heartbroken at one point or another?

Even if it’s been a long time since you felt that way, I’m sure you can still remember what it was like.

In case you need a reminder, here are some common signs.

Signs and symptoms of heartbreak

Crying

Intense feelings of loneliness

Trouble sleeping

Thinking obsessively about your ex

Checking up on your ex through mutual friends, Facebook, or other technology

Change in appetite or weight

Deep feelings of sadness, grief, or despair

Worry—that you won’t ever find your person, that you did and you lost your chance, or that there’s something wrong with you

A feeling of dullness, numbness, or listlessness

You may notice that many of these symptoms are also symptoms of depression.

A bad breakup can certainly trigger depression.

So, while it’s important to give yourself time and space to heal, you need to keep an eye out and make sure it isn’t evolving into something even more serious.  Sometimes we need help putting on the breaks when things get bad.

Remember:  even though these are some common signs, everyone’s experience of heartbreak is a bit different.  Men and women experience and express grief and pain differently.

What makes a breakup bad?

This depends on the person/couple—we each have different buttons and insecurities that can get tangled up in a bad breakup.

But there are certain things across the board that can make a break up more painful.

Here are a few elements I’ve seen that make it even harder to move on:

-one-sided break up

-feeling surprised/caught off-guard by the break up

-cheating/infidelity

-a deep level of investment in the relationship

-elements of humiliation or embarrassment during/after the breakup

-minimization or lack of support during/after the breakup

It makes sense—the more you’ve invested in a relationship, whether it’s time, feelings, or level of commitment, the more it hurts when it ends.

It’s real.

The lingering pain after a breakup can be devastating.

Take a moment to reflect on these words:  Heartbreak.  Heartsick.  Heartache.

There’s no better word to describe the pangs of longing or grief that feel like they’re clutching at your very core.

If you are fed up with your feelings…

If you’re feeling stuck.  Exhausted.  Hopeless.

What you’re feeling is real—but it isn’t a life sentence.

If you need help riding out the storm, ask for help.  It’s important to have someone in your corner during times like these.