Five ways to tell if your therapy is effective

There comes a time in every relationship when the people involved check in to make sure the relationship is still mutually beneficial. Therapy is no different. Today, we’ll be talking about how to tell if your therapy is working for you.

Perhaps you’ve been sitting across from your therapist for many months now. You have a favorite side of the couch, and you can find the tissue box without looking for it. You’ve made a careful study of the rug during more difficult sessions so that you know the worn spots and the scrolling designs by heart. It feels comfortable in the room.

If you are in therapy, I hope you’ve had at least one or two episodes of wondering about whether or not it’s working. When the relationship has become comfortable between therapist and client, there is sometimes a danger of drifting or losing the momentum you initially shared. So, it’s normal to wonder every now and again, “Is this working for me?”

In fact, that question is a crucial one. It means you are paying attention and that you aren’t taking the hour for granted. This fresh perspective can help you evaluate your progress and make a decision to refresh your goals or wrap up the work.

The trouble is, the process of therapy is poorly understood. Therapists can be wonderful healers, but we don’t always do the greatest job of explaining what we do and how we do it. Add to that the profession’s depiction in movies and books and it’s no wonder that when you say psychotherapy, people are apt to think of couches, ink blots, cigars, and an expressionless therapist Mm-hmming at a patient prone on a couch while doodling on a yellow Steno pad.

So, with all this mystery and misinformation, how are we to know when it is actually working? Here are a few simple guidelines to help you chart your progress:

1.) How others are responding to you—are you being treated differently? Are others asking, “What’s going on with you, anyways?” If so, you’re probably on the right track. While it might seem counterintuitive, many times change can bring up resistance or push back from the people closest to us.
2.) How you view and treat yourself—if you came in for help with assertiveness, do you demand respect when needed? Are you more comfortable saying no? If you initially had trouble treating yourself well, do you show yourself more compassion and patience these days? Remember, it’s not an all-or-nothing thing—change can be slow. Look for trends.
3.) That gut feeling—aka, your “felt sense.” It just feels different somehow, like you’ve done some rearranging of your internal furniture. You stand a bit taller, or feel a little more “right” in your own skin.
4.) The little things—consider your everyday victories. These are seemingly small or simple victories or realizations during your week that point back to insights or good habits you are cultivating in therapy. It is helpful to track these as they happen so you can monitor your progress towards your goals because it is easy to forget the everyday victories.
5.) Greater understanding—do you have “aha” moments mid-act or mid-thought during your week about your motivations? “I know this feeling, this is like when…” These insights and connections happen when we can step outside of the situation for a moment and take perspective by observing ourselves, our habits, and our options. Many times, we move through life, very comfortable with the status quo and not inclined to examine our reasons or motivations very closely. Therapy encourages greater understanding, and greater understanding means greater choices.

Do you track different progress signposts in therapy?