Over the past month, we’ve talked a bit the practice of emotional spring cleaning and some signs that you might want to try it out, but we haven’t really defined what one actually looks like.  This is partly because everyone’s process will be a bit different.  The most effective explorations are the ones done on your own time and in the language and method that makes the most sense to you.

For ease, I’ve laid these ideas out in an order that could guide you through the process, but I encourage you see this post as a bank of suggestions rather than a how-to or recipe.  As with all the content posted here, I invite you to use this in whatever way it serves you best.

The preparation

Protect your time.  State your intention to take this seriously by protecting some time for the job.  Whichever of the following activities or practices you intend to try, pencil them into your appointment book.  Take it as seriously as you would any other appointment.  If your schedule is too crowded to permit you fifteen minutes to yourself a few days a week, then your planner is a good starting point for the process.  Choose either defer this practice for a quieter time or, even better, turn a critical eye on that planner and see what you can postpone or remove completely.

Be still.  Most days are accordioned together with a rhythm of doing, moving, and working.  Being still and present with yourself for a few minutes at a time will help you open your mind to what is happening in your heart.  For those who are comfortable with meditative practice, use that.  If purposefully sitting still without an explicit goal in mind is a strange or novel idea, just try that for a few minutes at a time.

Listen deeply.  Easy to say and hard to do for many of us!  Unless you’re quite disciplined at being still, you’ll probably find that listening deeply to yourself doesn’t come easily at first.  Listening deeply means training your ear to take note of your thoughts as they come unbidden into your head, and then letting them go.  At first, you may find yourself using the spare moments to add items to your grocery list—this is normal.  Over time, you may find that a lot of interesting thoughts and feelings will bubble up in the space that you’ve created.

Breathe.  Your breath has tremendous power to quiet your body.  If you have a hard time quieting your mind, give it the task of focusing on the simple rhythm of your breath.  Count the seconds in your inhale or exhale.  Experiment with what feels most comfortable for you.

Check your rations.  Consider what you will do during this process if you become upset.  Let a friend in on your experiment and plan to call them if needed.  Make a resource list coping strategies that you’re proud of and keep it handy.  This is a nice menu to have any time, not just when you’re doing an emotional spring cleaning.

The process

Be choosy.  I am a do-it-yourselfer, but come spring there are a few jobs that I wisely outsource to the professionals.  The same is true with emotional spring cleaning—you should pick your tasks with care.  I strongly recommend against delving into really powerful old wounds or fresh trauma without the help of a professional.  If you begin to feel overwhelmed with anything that comes up, stop and consult your menu of coping strategies for ideas.  If you find that your mind persists in returning to big, painful topics and you’re feeling really upset or stuck, put the project on hold until you can get some help.  Treat yourself with respect and ask for assistance when you need it.

Journal.  If you are full of words, let them have a page or two.  If you don’t know what to write, just write “I don’t know what to write” until something else comes up.  Set a time limit for your writing exercise and exceed it as needed.  Some people appreciate the structure of writing a letter to a younger or older version of oneself or to a family member, ex-partner, or friend.  Even (and perhaps especially) if you’re self-conscious about your writing, give this a try.  Remember: the process and the product are for you and you alone.  So, don’t worry about your commas or those elusive tip-of-the-tongue words.  Just put it down—your truth will shine through in powerful ways.  Talking out loud to yourself can have a similar beneficial effect.

Experiment.  Give yourself permission to try something new.  Purposefully break your routine.  Observe your favorite people and try something that they do regularly.  Use humor and be open to whatever comes out of it.  Be prepared to laugh at yourself.  Being the expert is easy, so give yourself credit for giving up the comfort of certainty and knowhow.

Be curious.  Permit yourself to wonder about possibilities that you’d never say out loud.  Let yourself muck around with the what-ifs and big questions, and let yourself off the hook if answers don’t emerge right away.  Promise yourself that you don’t have to do anything with what you say, ask, or discover during this time. Set a time limit for this one, too, so the questions don’t run away with you.  Agree to stop when the time limit ends.

Schedule simple pleasures.  Enjoy goodness—read a favorite book, walk a familiar path outside, give yourself a small gift.  If you have a hard time coming up with ideas, reflect on what you used to enjoy doing as a child.  Go outside and muck around in the earth.  Make a collage.  Build a fort.  There is a lot of wisdom in playing and being playful.

Engage.  If you lead with your heart, try to dial down your feelings as they emerge and apply your curious mind to what is happening.  If you’re stuck in your head, try to engage with to feeling and sensation in your body as things unfold.

Be patient.  If you’re not someone who typically does this sort of thing, it may not come easily at first.  Be patient, be patient, be patient—with yourself and with the process.

The product

Let yourself be touched.  Your inclination may be to dismiss or belittle what you practiced.  If so, just give yourself credit for what you tried, and physically and mentally shelve whatever you produced during this process.  You may find yourself able to take in more of what you learned at a later time.  If possible, be really honest with yourself about what you learned.

Soak.  Try not to cancel out all your progress by trying to judge or understand what emerged right away.  Let yourself mull over the outcomes and soak it up a bit at a time.  See if you can carry one or more of these favorite practices forward with you after your experiment is over.  Let your discoveries inform your choices from now on.

Gather materials.  You may need some new resources to put what you learned into practice.  Obtain whatever you need to integrate these insights more fully into your life—nourishing foods in your pantry, a scheduled appointment with your doctor, art supplies for a creative project, or a vacation you’ve been postponing.

Consider therapy.  You may have stumbled across some pretty big fish while you were trying this out.  A therapist can help you with the ones that got away (or the ones that kept coming back that you would rather have left you alone).  Having a therapist as a companion on the journey can make the process of healing a lot less lonely and the outcome much more powerful.

Ready to give it a try?  I am curious about your impressions and experiences with emotional spring cleaning.  If you have methods or strategies for tackling your inner closets that I did not mention here, I would love to hear about them.