I’m on a myth-debunking kick this month, you guys.

Last week, I attacked the lie that mind-reading is love.

(It isn’t.)

This week, the lie is about being too busy.

And that being too busy somehow became a measure of your own importance. (It isn’t.)

And also the notion that your busyness is out of your control. (It isn’t.)

If you’re happy with your schedule and the things in it—

if you feel like you’re getting enough done—

this article isn’t for you.

If, on the other hand, you feel –

imprisoned by your own to-do list or

oppressed by your own calendar,

and you’re wondering “How did I end up so overscheduled?”

or lamenting “There’s nothing I can do about it,” – let’s talk.

I want you back in the driver’s seat of your own life again—and I bet you do, too.

What are we even talking about?

What does it mean to be busy?

Saying how busy you are can be a humblebrag.

It can be a bid for praise.

A request for a break.

Or a simple statement about the number of things you see in your calendar.

Let’s unpack this concept a little bit.

What is busy, anyways?

bus·y

ˈbizē/

Adjective

adjective: busy; comparative adjective: busier; superlative adjective: busiest

1. having a great deal to do

synonyms:  occupied, engaged, involved, employed, working, hard at work

That’s the dictionary definition.

When I was trying to define it myself, this is what I wrote:

A state of being occupied.

Of fullness.

By other things.

Other (more important) things than the one being asked about at the present time.

3 busy lies

We talk about our busyness like it is a badge of honor.

Lots of people have written about this one lately, so I won’t spend much time here.

“Look how much stuff I have to do! I must be important!”

That’s lie #1. Being busy makes you important. Or valid. (It doesn’t.)

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Not all work is created equal.

People value different kinds of work differently. Personal and cultural standards dictate these values.

It’s the reason that people used to say that stay at home moms didn’t work.

(Because, I guess, being a SAHM wasn’t a career?)

Now, people wanting to make the distinction will talk about women (and men) who work outside of the home—versus those who work within the home.

It may seem like semantics, but this is actually a really important distinction.

If you’re curious to learn more, read up on invisible work and the burden of competence.

This brings us to lie #2: Only certain kinds of work make you “truly” busy.

Imagine:  you could you tell someone, “I’m busy taking a nap” or “I’m busy going on a vacation.”

How would that go over, compared with, “I’m busy with this project at work” or “I’m busy volunteering for this philanthropy.”

Again, this lie builds on the notion that being busy means you’re important.

(But only if you’re busy with work.  A particular kind of work.)

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Being busy is such a subjective thing. Right?

I mean, if you told me that you work 80-100 hours a week, and you asked a room full of people if you’re busy, I think there’d be pretty strong consensus that you are.

Unless, of course, you’re in a room full of people who work where you do.

And then you’re unlikely to get the reality check that you need, which is unfortunate and part of why this problem, and the problem of burn out, perpetuates itself.

(We don’t get a reality check until it is far too late.)

But that’s a digression—a digression that proves my point.

Busyness is, at least partly, in the eye of the beholder.

Even the definition says so: “having a great deal to do” – what does great mean here, exactly?

30 items on my to do list? Weekend plans scheduled through next month?

One woman’s busy is another woman’s break.

So here it is, lie #3: I’m busy because I have so much to do.

I want to offer a different perspective here.

Busyness is not an objective state. It’s an attitude, a stance, a label you apply to yourself or your schedule.

Busyness is not about the number of scheduled hours in your week.

It is your state of mind about those hours. Being busy is less about how much you’re working and more how you feel about it.

Are you too busy?

Still. You chose to read this article because you want to know: are you too busy?

If you feel too busy, you are. Simple as that.

But, dig a little deeper.

Why are you reading this article?

Are you avoiding doing something?

Did you see the title and think to yourself,

“I want proof that I’m doing enough.”

or maybe even, “I want permission to slow down.”

Check in.

Were you wondering if you were doing enough, being enough? Looking for some validation?

Being busy. Feeling busy. This concept is usually shorthand for a couple of different things:

1.) I’m important

2.) I’m overwhelmed

3.) I’m important and overwhelmed

And sometimes the busy label is used as a shield against other people’s requests. It’s a way of holding a boundary.

But what if you’re feeling quite overwhelmed by your own schedule—what then?

We will talk about that next week.  Drop back by next Tuesday at 9 for some pointers about how to take charge of your schedule again!