An open letter to the chameleons

I see you.

Hey—it’s ok. I know all about our ways. I’m a recovering chameleon myself. I get it.

I know how good you are at mapping out others’ interests, stories, and personalities so that you can blend in pleasingly with just about any group.

I’ve seen what an engaging conversationalist you can be. I know you’re a supremely good listener.

I know how rewarding it can feel to get all of that glowing, admiring feedback from others about what a good person, friend, wife, mother, or sister you are.

I also know how tired you are and how much you long to be seen in your own skin, in your own right.

I remember how it felt to get lost in a role or feel disappeared behind the agendas and prerogatives of others.

I know how confusing it can be to try and find your buried bearings and recall your own distant passions amidst the imposed desires and dreams of the important people in your life.

For various reasons, we chameleons have developed some clever ways of building and keeping relationships. The trouble comes when we feel fatigued from blending and would just like to hold our own hue for a little while in the company of trusted loved ones. But, sometimes we are met with surprise or upset when we let our guard down.

“But, I thought you were green!” they exclaim.

“Well, mostly, yes,” you say, a bit worried now, “But I can be a lovely shade of purple. On some days, I’m partial to yellow. And sometimes I’m prone to blue.”

“That’s not part of the deal. When I saw you at the store, you were green. I liked you better green. Go back to green.”

Ouch. No wonder we got so good at this blending stuff.

You can be loved on green days as well as yellow and purple and blue ones. I want you know that this is possible. There are others out there who want to know you just as you are, in all your aspects.

You may think that I don’t know what I am talking about. How can I write this letter to you when I don’t even know the particulars of your situation?

“I have rough edges,” you think, “People have left me before. There’s something wrong with me. I have to hide. I have to blend. I have to be indispensable by providing for the needs of others. I have to be green.”

From one chameleon to another, I can tell you this: you don’t have to change for people to love you.

But, when the time is right, you may need to learn to let all your colors show so that others can appreciate them. You may want some help learning more about what you want and need, and how to share this with others so these needs are met. You may have to teach people how to handle you best when you are blue.

This can be hard and scary stuff. I understand. I know this from my own experience and through the experience of other brave chameleons who have come to see me, questioning their colors.

If you need some help with this, I’m here. Green is great, but it’s not the only color out there.