Generally speaking, people do not get what they deserve.

Think about it.

I’m sure you know someone who works their butt off for praise or pay that never comes.

(Hopefully this person isn’t you.)

And you can probably think of the opposite.  You know the type.

It’s that guy who stretches out an open hand and pulls back in a fistful of good fortune at every turn.

What’s going on here?

The secret ingredient

We get all kinds of messages in this culture about the value of hard work.

And that’s fine.

Hard work has its place.

Reward requires risk.

Etc etc.

But many of us miss a crucial detail in this equation.

We hurtle towards tasks with hasty resolve.

Or we struggle with procrastination and paralysis in the face of too many choices.

(Depends on the day.)

Before we undertake a thing, we need to check on something really important.

We need to double check that we’re ready to receive.

I mean, what’s the point of gathering up good things if you have no place to put them?

Put another way?

We need to decide that we’re worthy and ready for the good stuff.

If there’s no room in your heart for it, this stuff will spill through your fingers like sand.

That’s dumb, you may be thinking.

We all want good stuff.

Well, yes.

But wanting and getting are two different things, and what you think you deserve can get in the way very, very easily.

What you think you deserve

It sounds simple.

Want good stuff and you’ll get it.

Not so fast.

Many of us grew up with programming that clogs us up.

We’ve been blocked from the simple, potent message that we are worthy of good things.

Instead, we soaked in messages that told us we weren’t worthy.

We learned that good stuff is scarce.

We were shamed for asking for second helpings of things.  (There’s not enough to go around—quit being so selfish.)

We learned that good plans go bad very easily.

That failure is inevitable.  (Don’t bother.)

That happiness is fleeting and elusive and impossible, like some airy butterfly that goes to pieces the moment we catch it.

Yikes.

Can you imagine being able to sow good things in your life with that kind of programming?

I can’t.

Yet many of us are put out into the world with messages like these rattling around in our brains.

And no amount of hard work or effort can save us from the terrible toll it can take on us.  (But don’t despair—there is another way out.  Keep reading.)

Giving yourself permission

It’s pretty much a sure thing:

if you think you don’t deserve it, you won’t get it.

Not unless you have people conspiring against you to love and care for you in spite of yourself.

(And that’s a long, painful haul for everyone involved.)

Wouldn’t it be better to be able to give yourself that permission instead of relying on other people to do it for you?

Because what you think you deserve will write your life story. 

It will pick your spouse.  Your job.

It will dole out your free time, or hoard it.

It will powerfully shape your moods and goals.

It is like the aperture on a camera—the hole that light passes through in order to capture an image.

If it is too closed, you’ll get a grainy, blurry image of darkness.

If it is too wide, you’ll get nothing but a bright bleached square.

But if it is open just right, ready to receive, it can capture a moment in time just beautifully.

Getting the good

Hard work and planning have their place.  And there’s so much to be said for context and circumstance—why some stuff fails and some stuff succeeds.

Not everyone has the same advantages.  These are all important considerations.

But this post isn’t about those things.

This is about the before time.

This is about taking an inventory before you even begin to try.

Before you begin work on a thing, whatever thing it is, ask yourself this:

Are you okay with being a success?

Are you ready to receive good things?

Some of us meet these questions with gladness and hope.

But don’t be surprised if you feel some fear or dread at the prospect of success.

In fact, people-pleasers struggle with this stuff all the time.

I know I certainly did– and still do, from time to time.

Therapy can help with these messages.  It can help you give yourself the permission you need to get the good stuff.  It can help unclog you.

But even a healthy dose of self-awareness about these principles can go a long way in helping you claim all the good that you need.