It’s getting cramped in here.

This schedule feels joyless.

Monotonous.

Routine.

That friendship.  Feels heavy and hollow.

Like an obligation.

Or maybe you’ve given that old habit a hard look.

And you’ve realized that it costs more than it gives.

We’ve all felt the shoe-too-tight-pinch before.

We’ve all wondered:  have I outgrown this?

Now if you’ve been reading this for a while, you know I’ve written plant-y metaphors before, about

+ watering your weeds

+ three kindnesses

+ trimming your life

Etc etc.

I can’t help it—I love plants.  But I think I can wring one more idea out of this metaphor.

Trapped

In early July, I moved into a new office space.

So, I’ve gotten to welcome back some plants.

They’re the same ones I’ve had since I began my private practice a couple of years ago.

Sidebar:  I have to give a shout out to these plants. 

These long-suffering babies have been moved around a lot.

To and from my first ever private office.

Back home (to be gnawed on by naughty cats).

And now, finally, to the new space.

In honor of getting a new office, I thought these plants deserved a new home, too.

So I got some special potting soil, some roomier pots.

And I set about doing some rehousing.

And when I upended one particular pothos to repot it, I found something shocking looking underneath.

Under the soil was a nest of strangled roots that looked sort of like a human brain.

(I wish I had taken a picture, but I forgot.)

If you’ve repotted any mature plant, you know how the roots go.

How they circle the inside of that pot like some kind of dizzy creature seeking an exit.

So when I plunged this plant into a bigger pot with fresh, rich soil, I swear I could hear that plant breathe a sigh of relief.

But it got me thinking.

About the pinch of the smaller pots.

About the places in life where we used to fit, but don’t anymore.

We all do this from time to time.

And people-pleasers are notorious for being stuck in a relationship or job that’s three sizes too small.

So let’s look underneath the soil & see what we find.

What pinches?

Transitions are hard stuff, even when they’re exciting.

And I’ve been known to stay in a pot that pinched my toes for a long time.

I’ve done it in romantic relationships.

Professional relationships.

Friendships.

Habits and routines.

Truth is, some of us are better than others about seeking out fresh opportunities for ourselves.

Some of us are creatures of habit.

But regardless of your style—whether you’re hungry for new things or busy enjoying your tried-and-trues—you can end up with those pinched toes if you’re not careful.

Well, you know they say the first step to changing something is having awareness.

Watching what you do.

Taking an honest inventory.

So grab a piece of paper and jot down three things that might be pinching you.  It doesn’t have to be a relationship (but could be).

Might be a job.

Might be a habit, or a way of thinking.  A belief system.

A tradition or piece of routine.

Just take a moment and ask yourself what pinches.

Finding roomier spaces

You wouldn’t upend a plant out of its pot before having another one handy, would you?

In order to take something away, it helps to have a replacement set up.

Thing is, you need to make sure the replacement is roomier.  Bigger.  Healthier.

Otherwise, you just end up moving from one pinch to another.

I mean, there’s nothing more frustrating than suffering through the pain of one breakup to realize three months later you landed yourself in another, similarly unsatisfying relationship, right?

No one wants to make that introduction:  frying pan, meet fire!

You’re also going to want to surround yourself with support.

That could mean declaring your intentions to supportive friends and family, asking for help, seeking counseling.

Making changes requires sustained effort, so give yourself the support you need.

Room to grow

Sooner or later, you’re going to outgrow something.  Face the transition with as much courage as you can muster and remember these three steps:

1.)  Take an honest inventory of what isn’t working

2.)  Have a larger pot ready (identify a healthy substitute, something to do instead)

3.)  Seek support over time while you make changes

Good luck!